In 2016, I moved to San Diego for a three-year MFA program. Before the move I had a pretty consistent fitness practice. I loved running, bodyweight training, and the occasional Zumba night at the gym down the block. But after landing in California and returning to school after six years of living in the “real world,” I really struggled to hit my stride. I needed to find a new routine or fitness passion.
Which is how I found myself in a spin cycle studio, gasping for air alongside twenty other women. Yup, not a single man or masc-presenting person in that room. Maybe because, before class had even started, our leggy, high-energy instructor showed us how to set up the cycle seats for “maximum results.” Because we wanted this exercise to “lengthen our legs” and “help build lean muscle,” not “bulk out.”
“No woman wants tree trunk thighs,” she’d said, nodding sagely as she raised my seat half an inch higher.
As someone who’s 5’4” on a good day with a 27 inch in-seam, I doubted a weekly spin class would have me buying pants in the tall section anytime soon. Even more importantly, after almost a decade as a rugby player I DID love my tree trunk thighs. At that point in my body acceptance journey, they were one of the ONLY things I loved.
Not only is this language and mindset unintentionally harmful, it’s also deeply rooted in gendered expectations and performance. I had to wonder if this instructor had ever told a man he didn’t want strong, muscular thighs 🤔
Gendered language, programming, and expectations are deeply engrained in most fitness spaces. Just a few examples include:
- Women need to lift light weights for high reps to avoid getting too bulky
- Women need to get lean, lengthen muscles, and sculpt their bodies
- Men need to get swole, lift heavy, and bulk up
- Women should avoid tree trunk thighs but men should NEVER skip leg day
- Having classes marketed as specifically “for men” or “for women”
Practicing Body Neutrality As A Queer Personal Trainer
As a white, cis, straight-size woman I recognize the relative privilege I have navigating fitness spaces. As a queer woman in recovery from an eating disorder, I’ve also felt the profound effect of toxic diet culture, fitness culture, and hyper-gendered fitness. I became a personal trainer because I want to create a space where all bodies can practice movement safely and without judgment. Here’s how that shows up in our work together.
Designing Workouts For YOU, Not Your Gender
I believe my clients (and people in general!) are so much more than their gender. We’re a magical amalgamation of our experiences, interests, and desires. I love getting to piece together what lights people up and makes them tick and gender is rarely a part of that puzzle.
Let’s say I’m working with two clients. One client is a lifelong soccer player who stopped playing after having her first baby. She’s taken a year off and wants to come back safely. She’s looking to build stability and cardio endurance to enhance her performance on the field.
The second client considers herself a total fitness beginner who wants to learn more about the basics and discover a movement practice that she’s passionate about. She knows she doesn’t like running, but she’s curious about functional movement and weight lifting.
Even though these clients are both women, they’re not going to benefit from the same programming. My job is to look at each of them as individuals and write workouts that will support their unique goals.
Respecting People & Honoring Autonomy
People contain multitudes and self-discovery is a constant and evolving journey. And in a binary world, a lot of experiences are erased, minimized, or pushed aside. As a queer personal trainer (and human being) I work actively to engage with big picture LGBTQIA+ issues and conversations.
Similarly, on a personal level, I’m invested in making sure my clients feel seen and supported in their gender identity and presentation. I promise to avoid assumptions, stay curious, and ask for information throughout our time working together. I believe you’re the expert when it comes to your body and how it experiences movement, and I want to work collaboratively with you to develop a fitness practice that’s totally yours.
Gender-Affirming, Not Gender-Policing
As a body neutral personal trainer, I care more about how your body feels and moves than how it looks. But I also recognize the very real experience of gender dysphoria. I want to meet my queer, trans, and non-binary clients where they’re at and create a training environment that’s gender-affirming. And, I want people who are looking for a totally genderless fitness experience—like me—to have access to what they need.
By breaking the rigid binary of feminine and masculine, I think we can invite more playfulness and curiosity into our gender expressions and how they manifest in our fitness practices.
Cutting Out The Weird Sleaze 😳
CW: gross gym dude bros
I’ll never forget the time I was doing hip thrusts at the gym and somebody asked if I was working up to lifting my girlfriend’s weight. Or the time a group fitness instructor told our whole class we’d be ready for the Sauvie Island nude beach if we just kept doing our 100 daily sit ups. Or the guy who told me I’d be hot if I didn’t have such manly shoulders.
Raise your hand if you’re sick of “look good naked” messaging around fitness 👋
It’s vulnerable to exist in a body, especially a body that gets regularly policed, critiqued, and hypersexualized. If you’ve been through any of the above experiences, first of all: I’m so sorry that happened to you. And I promise it won’t happen working with me.
Finding Strength In Community
You know the little thrill that comes from giving the queer head nod to someone out in public and having them give it back? Working with a queer personal trainer is like that, only better. When you work with me, you can be fully and completely you. Full stop.
This point is important and it feels like I should have more to say about it, but I think that’s it. When you’re here, you do you boo.
Here To Be Your Body Neutral, Queer Personal Trainer
My mission with Resilient AF Training is to make fitness and movement more accessible for everybody. And I mean EVERY BODY, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, previous fitness experience, disability, age, or body size. If that sounds like what you’re looking for, hit me up! I still have a few personal training spots available for spring 2024.
